It's not thinking anymore, it's love

Earlier today i'm working on site, there are plenty of delicious "fresh meat" walking around. They are so gorgeous and wealthy, and i saw them checking me out! But all i think about was you, and the urge to have you next to me all the time is getting stronger. My feelings for you has gone into another stage...A stage that I've been there last time. I am overwhelm by the feeling i have for you. My head is spinning into infinity, my heart skips beats and i have to do CPR to myself, i can hardly breath...Are you having the same feeling that i'm feeling? I don't know, at least not anymore. You are so young and beautiful, and i'm just not that young and normal. Why do you want to be with me? But this is still a question and there are no answer, yet...hopefully...

I just want to be in love with you, i don't want to wake up in the morning and you are not there with me. I want to cuddle you in the night and wake up together in the morning, i want you to be the first person that i see when i open my eyes.

Baby, i love you.

Thinking, crying, couldn't sleep...

This few days i'm really tired. Working on site for an event and arranging classes and rehearsals...but most of the time i'm thinking about him. What should i do to make the day pass-by brighter the night to pass-by easier? Every time i saw the pouch that he sew my name on it, i can hardly breathe, my heart skip one beat. Do i love him so much? I couldn't tell...Because i don't know how much is much, how much is less...i just know that when i'm not with him my heart tend to stop beating.

I keep ask myself, am i going to end up like the last relationship? I really don't know what's seems to be the problem in the relationship...can you tell me what i need to change, what you don't like me doing in this relationship, just tell me what are you thinking. If in a relationship you can't say this things, you can't demand for what you want, you can't express your feeling for him that you been dying to tell your love ones, then whats the point to be in a relationship...

Am i asking too much from him? Am i over possessive? Yes maybe i am..I admit, but we are at the beginning of a relationship,is this suppose to be happen so soon? Why you make me feel the way you treating me like those others ppl in my past? When i start this relationship with you, you make me feel like i'm important to you, i mean a lot to you. But now you make me feel like the same old me again.

Every day and night i pick up the hand-phone thinking of calling you but my fingers are not functioning well... almost every 5 to 10 minutes i'll look at the phone, hoping the next phone call will be you or even just a two words message... but all i ever feel is much more lonelier, all i see is myself in the reflection on the phone screen. I don't know what to do now...

In this time in this hour my brain tend to shut down and stop every thinking process. But my heart still skip one beat.

~crying~

Thinking of living with you and happily ever after

I'm waiting for you, right here standing...
I'm not leaving till i can see you appear at the corner of the street.
Am i too distance at first? Am i too needy now?
I admit i'm over possessive. But what do you want? I couldn't tell.
I'm not a date expert or a psychic, i don't know what i'm suppose to do next... I don't know what i'm suppose to do to make you want me more...
Can give me more clues so that i know what i should do next.

All i want is to be with you. All i need is to be there by your side. All i ever wanted is to settle down with you and start to build a future with you and me in it.

Wish we could live happily ever after.

Do i really need to think more? Am i started to doubt myself?

The past is a poison, it kills me slowly and painfully. The past is like a black spot on a white cloth, it's very obvious. Would you able to cover that? Would you able to make people not realize the spot? Would you able to let it go and move forward without looking back? Would you able to ignore those people who spotted that and make fun out of you and just smile like an idiot? I started to doubt myself and my capability.

Today i broke down, tears pouring out of my eyes uncontrollably, my heart being stabbed repeatedly, my body being punch and kick unstoppable. Would i survive this round? Or should i say will i survive this time... Well i have no choice, at all. Its not an option for me, since long time ago. I have to make it works. But how much time will it takes? How much energy i need to spend? No one knows, no one can give me the exact answer. I'm alone.